Stop saying “just because one parent abused the other, doesn’t mean they are a bad (or abusive) parent to the child.”

Because it absolutely does!

Let’s start by reviewing what ACES are: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are traumatic events that occur during childhood. These experiences can include physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, household dysfunction such as substance abuse or mental illness among caregivers, or exposure to violence. Research has shown that ACEs can have long-lasting negative effects on physical and mental health outcomes later in life. It is crucial to address ACEs and provide appropriate support and interventions to mitigate their impact on individuals' well-being.

This study was created by Kaiser and now multiple professionals have quizzes you can take to get an estimate on your ACES score. I have even spoken to a local optometrist (Eye dr) who gives everyone a questionairre about their ACES and can tell trauma by an eye scan! You can take your quiz here.

Did you know an ACES score of 6 or more could reduce your lifespan by 20 years? When I posted this on my tiktok, the internet went wild and it is my most viewed video to date with over 325k views! You can view it here.

Most people don’t even know what ACES are even though these are things most of the population has experienced on one level or another. The reason I highlight ACES is the connection between childhood trauma and Intimate Partner Violence- of which most professionals ignore. You can read more here, and article via the National Library of Medicine.

Graph and information on ACES from Pinetree Institute

Multiple professionals including attorneys, police, Judges, and other court professionals seem to ignore ACES however these raised scores can lead to a child later landing in an abusive relationship as an adult, increase their likelihood of contracting HIV, cancer, be involved in criminal activity, and more.

While one parent can continue to drag the victim to continued family court hearings, avoid paying proper child support, cyber stalk their victim, interfere with their employment after separation which can reduce their income and care for child, and cause an unstable home for the same parent- thus affect the child- it seems like these same professionals ignore this.

If you are a professional who is supposed to work in the best interest of the child, why are you not looking at ALL of this?

ACES scores should be taken more seriously by these professionals rather than giving the abusive parent more access to the child and continuing to raise their ACES score.

Although we do need to take childhood trauma more seriously, and pay attention to the parents who are actively choosing to raise their child’s ACES score- even after separating from their ex, there are ways to stay resilient. This is up to each individual to fight. You can find your resilient score by clicking here.